July 12-18, 2008: Chattanooga

The last destination on my overseas journey was - bizarrely - Chattanooga, Tennessee. Not an obvious stop-over after traversing the UK, perhaps, but again it was work commitments that brought me there. And if the town of Chattanooga reminds you of a certain song, perhaps you can share a gaffaw at my accommodation - the Holiday Inn Chattanooga Choo Choo!

The Chattanooga train station serviced passengers from 1909 through to 1970, and was then converted into a holiday complex. The terminal station is now the grand lobby of the hotel.

Guests can stay in renovated train carriage rooms or the more ordinary hotel building at the far end of the old train platforms.

The platforms stretch as paths from lobby to hotel, and the lines have been filled in as pretty manicured gardens.

Downtown Chattanooga can be pretty lifeless. There's a small zone of family-friendly restaurants surrounding an IMAX and an aquarium but that's it. There are blocks and blocks of tall grey buildings and wide streets without a cafe or dress shop in sight. It doesn't make for particularly interesting strolling and thus, there are very few people to be seen strolling. Amongst the clean and dreary streets, however, lies the Country Life Vegetarian Restaurant. With its cafeteria-style tables and harsh fluorescent lighting it didn't really evoke any country life I aspire to, but the gentle staff and nourishing food were ample compensation.

The restaurant offers just a couple of different dishes each day alongside baked goods and a salad bar. The legume-filled fajita with soy sour cream was fantastic, as was the tender and herby shredded soy chicken. Coleslaw seemed like a complementary side but I should have known it would come with triple the dressing it needed - the US of A's primary salad sin.

Tracy (you remember Tracy? She and Lee were my Choo Choo room-mates!) tried one of Country Life's blueberry muffins and as you can see, it was larger than her entirely adult-sized fist. It was soft and cakey (particularly for a vegan muffin, which I think it was) and not as excessively sweetened as I expect American muffins to be. Indeed, this was to be the healthiest meal that we would eat in Chattanooga... by a loooong way.

The horror began very shortly after this meal as we took an exploratory look in a nearby variety store (you know the kind - they sell junk food and plastic stuff and cheap toys and shampoo).

Just say no.

No.

NO.

Noooooooooooooo!

Nuh-ugh grfgllll...... can't resist... the lure... of Reese's. The peanut butter cup has long been my undoing. A nasty, nasty American convenience food; full of sugar, salt and saturated fat, yet I love them. Though I saw them on that first day in Chattanooga, I didn't allow myself to buy a packet until just a few hours before I left. I knew what temptation they'd be, lurking in the hotel room.

Of course, breakfast at the hotel wasn't much better. The buffet entreats guests to eat all that they possibly can, and very little of it is nutritious. Eggs are filled out with cheese and two or three kinds of meat. Even the granola, yoghurt and fruit tasted like dessert and made my teeth hurt. (The promised strawberries were actually just jam.) Instead, I retreated to the neighbouring cafe and ate sparingly, if not healthily.

Tea and a cinnamon roll.

I declined the offer of glaze (i.e. thick icing).

Tea and a bagel.

Tea and a square cranberry muffin.
Sweeeeeeeet.

I can see the food part of this post is getting a little dire, so how about an interlude? Check out this serene garden, tucked away by the river.

Feel the cool breeze against your skin, perhaps it carries a soft tune...
you are at peace.

That better? Good. 'Cause now I've got to tell you about my meal at Cheeburger Cheeburger, and it's not pretty.

Certainly the decor isn't pretty...

... though the kids' meals are kind of cute.

As you can probably tell, this is the all-American franchised diner experience. It's all about burgers and fries and 75 milkshake flavours. And did I mention over-eating? Their Famous Pounder is a burger with 20 oz (that's almost 570 g) of meat - if you can finish one of those, they'll stick your picture on their Hall of Fame. And for all those still-growing stomachs out there, there's a smaller burger and junior Hall of Fame for the under 12s.

I was not expecting to eat much more than fries here, 'cause Chattanooga's not exactly a vegetarian's paradise. Country Life aside, I'd been subsisting on side orders of salad and fries, even having to order one salad without the standard hot bacon vinaigrette. So I wondered if my eyes were playing tricks when I saw not one, but two vegetarian options on the Cheeburger Cheeburger menu. I initially planned on a veggie burger but ultimately chose the grilled portobello mushroom sandwich. It probably didn't make much difference either way - it was always going to be served smothered in cheese, on a doughy white bun.

We ordered a half serve of fries and onion rings and received more than the three of us could hope to eat. The onion rings were an utter disappointment - soggy and dripping with oil, they were nothing like the crunchy delights in the UK.

Determined to finish the night with some genuinely enjoyable American junk, we hit Ben and Jerry's for ice cream. They rock.

Perhaps you're feeling a little stuffed again, hmmm? Let me distract you with some pictures from the aquarium - I was very lucky to visit in the evening as part of a work function. No school groups or families on holidays, just a bunch of biologists getting a nerdy nature fix!

The temporary seahorse exhibit was just spectacular - can you believe that seaweed looking thing above is actually a sea dragon?! Do a google image search for some more, you've got see some better photos of them than mine.

By the end of the week I'd had more than enough of the deep-fried fast-food American experience, but had failed to locate any real Central American or Southern cuisine. But on the final morning a friend-of-a-friend took a few of us on a short trip out of town for a country style breakfast at the Cracker Barrel. (Another franchise - there is nary an independent business to be seen 'round these parts.)

As usual, there was an awful lot of meat goin' on - with eggs, with French toast, biscuits and gravy. The three "Low Carb Options!" each consisted of three eggs, three kinds of meat and a tomato. Diet-licious!

Actually, I managed a super-cheap and ample vegetarian breakfast of some unfamiliar foods: hash brown casserole (with onions and cheese), fried apples and a biscuit. Though I would have liked to try some gravy with my biscuit, the thick white stuff harboured chunks of pink sausage. Pass. The biscuit itself was great though, a light fluffy cloud of a scone. And in spite of my new-found fry aversion, the hash brown was pretty tasty.

I didn't think I liked Chattanooga. The streets seemed soulless, the people obtuse and the eating excessive at every meal. Yet it had its charms, too - the tranquil and surprising sculpture garden, the free and frequent electric buses, and punchy, toe-tapping brass band at the conference dinner. What struck me most was the staggering hospitality of every one of Chattanooga's citizens - from the suits to the unemployed folks on the bus - all of them proclaimed their pride in their town and wished me a wonderful stay. And you know what? It wasn't bad.